with Correspondence Connie
Correspondence Connie here, ready as I am to answer your questions. Also, I’m drinking my cup of coffee sugarless and black only because I find milk to be absolutely an abomination to add to your coffee. Why would anyone do that to themselves? Let alone the cow? Anyways let’s get started on these, shall we?
Dear Correspondence Connie, I am thinking of joining a dating site because I am tired of waiting for Ms. Right to walk into the bar I hang out at. Do you think that is a good way to go? – Eric B.
First of all Eric, you need to ask yourself what kind of bar are you hanging out at? I’m not judging you here young man, but it’s always good to make sure you are not hanging out at a place that is run by a creepy type of clientele. If you are hanging out at a total hole in the wall where a guy named Chad has a crouching blue panther on his black leather jacket and he wants to share his feelings with you over a shot of whiskey, then yes definitely sign yourself up for an online dating site. I do have to warn you though, you have a huge, overwhelming selection of sites to choose from. So like your bar selection, be wise in your choices there and whatever you do, swipe right…or is it left? Oh heck if I know. I never use those stupid apps or sites. Anyways, good luck to you out there Eric, it sounds like you’re really going to need it.
Dear Correspondence Connie, I am torn. I met this really cute guy the other day at the dog park. He’s so cute and has such a cute dog (a Boston Terrier). Our dogs got along so well. I always trust my dog. I think this could be serious. Ok, what I need to know is should I sleep with him right away or wait a while? I don’t want to come across as too easy.
– Alana E.
Okay Alana, listen here, I’m sure your dog is just adorable and wise. From the sounds of it probably wiser than you are because you are going by your dog’s judgment of sleeping with someone instead of your own. From my knowledge, dogs will hump just about everything. So keep that in mind. My advice to you is to wait a little bit. People who own Boston Terriers are spazzy just like their dogs. I mean look at the cute, little guys. They have big eyes that bug out and look all over the place, very shifty. So if you jump right in there with your spontaneous self, he may run away faster than you can say, “Oh my Gawd your Boston Terrier is so cute!” So take your time and ask him to coffee first, for the love of puppies!!!! There’s nothing wrong with getting a cup of coffee first! I cry for the youth today.
Dear Correspondence Connie, Are all actors damaged or what?! Everyone I meet seems to have real issues. I mean real issues. – Megan G.
Well, first of all, Megan, welcome to Los Angeles. I mean 95% of the population here are actors. Everyone is a damn actor, your grocery store clerk, your barista, your mechanic and yes even your dental hygienist! Everyone is an actor. Just a news flash for you Megan! Goodness, this coffee is not strong enough for me to answer this question. Yes, all actors are damaged. Some come from traumatic experiences in their pasts or childhoods. Which is what makes them such great, talented and juicy actors. I mean think about it Megan, hey pay attention to me and get off your phone. Think about it, if your occupation was to constantly use your emotions – sad, happy, angry, loving and heartbroken – of course you’re going to have issues especially with tapping into some really difficult feelings. Plus they’re dealing with constant rejection every day. I think you would be messed up a bit too if you were dealing with constant rejection Megan. Imagine if someone trolled on that photo you keep trying to post on your social media while reading my answer. Give it a rest will ya?!? Don’t even get me started on those full-blown method actors either. Yeeesh! My advice to you is when you meet an actor be kind and feed them. That’s all they need. A good ego stroke and probably something to eat because they are definitely starving.
Dear Correspondence Connie, I am new to LA and need to know where the best places are to meet real women, none of these egotistical, fake women who are all over the place in this town? – James P.
James if you have a dog, especially a Boston Terrier, apparently you and Alana from two questions ago should connect. Dog parks could be an option for you. It doesn’t guarantee you won’t run into that girl who has a dog in her handbag as an accessory. Seriously side rant, those girls should have their poor dog taken away from them and given to a less self-loving home. I think I clearly know the types of girls you’re talking about. Try online dating, but like everyone else in this stinkin’ world you’re just going to have to go through a bunch of rotten eggs to find a gem. Or maybe I should say some coal to find a diamond. Whatever metaphor you want to use to make you feel better, James. Avoid places like nightclubs, high-end Asian Fusion restaurants, the mall, and tanning salons. Do people still even use those? As if! I just almost threw up in my mouth a little from typing that…Listen there are fakes on both sides of the game and it can be frustrating in this town. I get it, it can get lonely in a big town such as LA. Which is a science I am still confused about. Hey, worse case scenario just go get a dog, at least you know there will be genuine affection coming from that little tail wagger.
Okay you kale eating, vanilla latte drinking basics. I’m signing off for now. Send in your questions and I’ll do my best to answer with what little patience I have left.
Email your dating and love questions to Correspondence Connie at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll see that she gets them.